Well, I knew it was inevitable, sort of like death and taxes. My 16-year-old Hurricane Boy, now almost a man, got his driver’s license. I’m not sure how he passed the driving test. I can only say obviously the testing lady was not in the car over the last year as he drove and I served as the potential crash victim, as we motored all over south Georgia.
The test, like everything else this COVID-19 year, was different than when my daughter took it last year. The testing lady does not ride in the car with the potential licensee but rather stands outside and barks instructions to the not-yet-licensed test taker. Instead of her riding, they told me I had to ride with him. Immediately they asked him to parallel park. Hell, I can barely do that myself. I’d ride around a city block 12 times to avoid having to park parallel. I didn’t bother to tell her he wasn’t too good at regular old parking in a grocery store parking lot. But, somehow he made it in the space without running over a red cone, any parking lines or her, so I guess it was a success.
They then had him back into a parking space, drive around some cones and a few other things that a 5-year-old could do and then said, “OK, hit the highway.” I hope they don’t use the same type testing system to determine if the folks in our nuclear missile silos are trained enough to work there is all I’m saying.
But do not worry, prior to taking the test, along with having to have driven at least 400 miles with his learner’s license, he also had to take Joshua’s law testing. I’m sure this is a well-meaning law that requires one to watch 30 hours of instructions on proper driving, etc. I did not watch it with him, but he did show me one 30-minute section where they explained what a gas peddle accelerator was, showed you how to press the peddle to make a car go, and said to first practice by going to a parking lot and letting the car idle around before trying to apply a small bit of pressure to speed the car up. I considered placing my son in psychiatric care after having to watch that insane drivel. Note to the Department of Drivers Services: If you do not know what a gas peddle is, you probably do not need to be enrolling to take your driver’s license test. That’s just me. I could be wrong and overreacting.
He got his license on a Thursday afternoon, went to school Friday morning, didn’t come back home after school because he went straight to play in his high school football game that night, and I haven’t seen him since. I wish to thank in advance all those who have been feeding him. I assure you, that will soon get old. Looking for his shoes will also get old, along with arriving at a store only to discover he does not have any shoes on and cannot go in the store. He doesn’t own a hairbrush, so do not get upset if his hair looks like he just got out of Hurricane Michael. There is a reason I call him the Hurricane Boy. I would complain about this issue except I don’t have any hair and feel I have no room to complain about it.
I have learned that there is a different kind of worry when your daughter gets a license versus your son. With my daughter, I worried she would break down and end up chained in the back of a white van with Ted Bundy. I feared she would be mugged in the mall parking lot or some boyfriend wannabe would hurt her. Not so with the Hurricane Boy. I doubt anyone will throw him into the back of a van, and if they did, they’d throw him back out before long. No, my concerns are wrecking the car, getting hurt in a wreck, hurting somebody else, getting arrested for being stupid in the car or getting in trouble wherever the car takes him. Why would I worry about such things? Well, maybe because I did most of those things and still don’t know why I did not get sent to federal prison.
All I can really say is he is out there among you somewhere. Be afraid, be very afraid.
November 27, 2020 at 06:00AM
https://www.albanyherald.com/local/t-gamble-the-hurricane-boy-behind-the-wheel-be-very-afraid/article_03096538-2f8f-11eb-89e0-171ef0bbf409.html
T GAMBLE: The Hurricane Boy behind the wheel? Be very afraid - The Albany Herald
https://news.google.com/search?q=Wheel&hl=en-US&gl=US&ceid=US:en
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